Dear Management

Life Advice from a Senior Rescue Dog

Today Management tackles a lifelong and epic dilemma faced by dog lovers everywhere…is having a cat a dealbreaker? As you can see from the picture, the conundrum was stressful enough that she needed to sleep on it first…

Dear Management,

There’s this incredibly gorgeous guy at my gym. We’ve been exchanging smiles for weeks, and then last Tuesday he came over and spot me on the bench press. My heart was racing (and not just from the workout). Yesterday I finally worked up the courage to talk to him, and we had this amazing conversation about everything from protein shakes to our favorite hiking trails.

Then he showed me a picture of his cat. Management, I’m a DOG person. Like, seriously a dog person. I have two golden retrievers at home who are basically my children. I always imagined ending up with someone who’d want to take long walks in the park with me and my pups, not someone who has a... well, a cat. Am I being ridiculous? Should I just cut my losses now before I get more attached?

Signed,
Confused Canine Lover

My Dear Confused,

A cat. He has a cat.

I’m going to level with you, doll - when I read that line, I had to go lie down on my orthopedic bed for a full ten minutes. My arthritis flared up just thinking about it. Cats. Those smug, manipulative little sociopaths who knock things off tables for entertainment and then look at you like you’re the problem?! How hot is this guy, like John Wick hot?

Let me tell you about the neighbor’s cat. A detestable white, fat furball that struts along the fence smugly, while I bark myself hoarse trying to explain that THIS IS MY TERRITORY. Does he care? No. Does he even dignify me with eye contact? Barely. He just slow-blinks at me like some kind of condescending Buddha, and I swear to you, sweetheart, it takes everything in me not to lose what’s left of my dignity.

Now, I know what you want me to say…that love conquers all, that I should give this a chance, that his choice in pets doesn’t define him as a person…

And here’s the thing, honey: I should tell you that. That would be the mature, evolved, thing to say. But do I want to tell you that? Absolutely not. My pure, unfiltered, twelve-year-old rescue dog instinct is to tell you to run. Run like you’re chasing a squirrel and there are no leash laws. Find yourself a nice Golden Retriever man who thinks 6 AM park walks are romantic and who doesn’t mind dog hair on every surface known to mankind.

However…

I’m old enough and wise enough to know that perfect doesn’t exist, darling. And any man that loves an animal is worth a second look. Even a cat guy. Humans make mistakes all the time.

I say you give Hot Gym Guy a chance, but make your expectations crystal clear. Your golden retrievers are non-negotiable. You’re a package deal. If he’s worth his protein powder, he’ll understand that. And who knows? Maybe his cat will turn out to be one of those rare, dog-like cats. They do exist. I’ve heard rumors. Never met one personally, but I’ve heard rumors.

At minimum, date him long enough to see if his cat is an indoor cat. If it is, you might be able to maintain separate households indefinitely. I consider this the ideal scenario.

And if it doesn’t work out? Well, at least you’ll know you gave it a shot. And you can sleep soundly knowing that guys with cats are weird. Total red flag. Will never make that mistake again. If you do pursue this and the cat wins him over more than you do, I will not be saying “I told you so.” I will simply think it very loudly while sighing dramatically on my bed.

Woof regards,

Management